


Road Trip Honeymoon

by Freelance_Magic



Series: If a 6 foot tall dog man and tiny violent rabbit gremiln pined for each other would that be gay or what? [5]
Category: Sam & Max
Genre: Honeymoon, M/M, Road Trips, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-24 20:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19180870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freelance_Magic/pseuds/Freelance_Magic
Summary: Sam and Max have a road trip honeymoon, seeing the sights and having to be stuck in a small space for hours at a time with each other. Good thing these two are into that sort of thing!





	1. Hit the Road

“...And then we will end with my surprise for you.” I say as I put the last of the luggage in the Desoto’s trunk, which isn’t all that much considering the fact that Max doesn’t wear clothes all that often. “What’s the surprise, Sam?” Max asks. “If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise, bucket head.” I explain. “UGH! Now the suspense will bother me for the entire trip!” Max whines. I roll my eyes. “Max, I love you, but you have the attention span of a goldfish. I’m sure you’ll forget all about the surprise within the first hour, and that’s being generous.” I tease. Max puts his hands on his hips. “I’ll have you know that I have the attention span of a- oh! Shiny coin!” Max exclaimed as he reaches down and picks up a coin that was on the ground. Max looks back at me and gets a look that tells me that he just realized what just happened. “Shut up!” Max yells as he looks away with a “humph”. I kiss his head. “Come on! Let’s get this honeymoon started, Max!” Max looks at me and sticks out his arms. “Carry me.” He says. “Okay, but it won’t be for very long considering we are right next to the car.” I say as I pick him up. 

 

As I make my way over to the passenger side door Max begins to kiss my face. “What are you doing, little buddy?” I ask I put him down on his seat. “Trying to seduce you so you’ll tell me what your surprise is.” I smile to myself. “Hate to break it to you, Max. But I’m already one hundred percent seduced by you, and I’m still not telling you.” I say as I close Max’s door. I walk around to the other side of the Desoto and get in. “What kind of benefits do I get with you being completely seduced by me anyways?” Max asks in an excited tone.  “Max, you already know in  _ fine detail  _ what sort of benefits you get from me being a hundred percent seduced.” I imply. “You mean like how when I remind you that your a “good boy” you get all wiggly and blushy?” Max asks in a tone that implies he has a plan. At Max’s words I begins to feel warm and I have to force myself to not wiggle around. “Well that’s one detail..,” I answer as I start the car. “Or are you talking about how you beg so nicely for me?” Max asks with a giggle. “Listen, just because I’m staring you while your eating doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m begging for food.” I defend. “I wasn’t talking about food, Sam.” Max corrects. What does he mean by that? Begging? What- Oh! I feel myself get warm again. “I was talking about-” “I got it, little buddy. You can stop now.” I cut him off. I feel Max put his hand on my leg. “Love you.” He says as he leans on me. “Love you more.” I reply. “Not possible~.” Singsongs Max who's now cuddling into my side. 

 

Max has fallen asleep at my side and is making it really hard to pay attention to the road. When I can I’ll sneak a peek down at him all snuggled inside my coat. We aren't far from our first destination on this honeymoon outing, the world's largest ball of sharp things. Max practically begged me to stop here when we were planning our route. “And I’M the one who begs nicely.” I whisper to myself. As luck would have it there is also a motel near the ball of sharp things. As we approach the motel I realize that I’m either going to have to leave Max in the car or I’m going to have to carry him with to reception. I drive into an empty parking space. Waking him is also an option, but… I look down at Max who's still sleeping, how could I wake him when he's this cute. Okay, I got it. I’ll leave my coat in here with him, lock the car doors, go to reception, get our room key, come back, carry him to our room, cuddle. Solid plan. I slip out of my coat and drape it on Max like a blanket. I very slowly open the driver side door and step out, then I try to close the door as quietly as possible. I lock the car and head into reception. I open the door and see a woman reading a magazine. “Um.. Hi. Can I get a-” “Sure.” The lady says as she throws a key at me. “So how much-?” I start to ask. The lady points at a sign on the wall, the sign has the prices for each night. I place some money on the table and walk out. Lucky for me that the room keys have the room numbers on them so I don’t have to have that weirdly uncomfortable conversation with her any longer then I have to. I get back to the car were Max is still sleeping under my coat. I unlock the door and scoop him, jacket and all, into my arms and begin the trek to our room, but not before grabbing some of our luggage first. 

 

Room 413, room 413, room 413, room- oh! Here we are! I put the key into the door and unlock it. I push open the door and flick a light switch that's inside the room. Well… it at least the room  **seems** nice. If Max were awake he would probably mention how we might discover a plague in here or something. A part of me wonders what we would see if we had a black light on us. Then again… ignorance is bliss.  Max begins to shift in my arms. I step inside the room and set the luggage down on a chair that has what I hope is a coffee stain or at the very least a mud stain on it. I set Max down on the bed and I place myself down beside him. I then wrap my arms around him. Finally, I’ve been waiting for more an hour to cuddle him. But then I realize that I need to turn off the light. So I untangle myself from max and quickly turn off the light and get right back to him as quickly as possible. “Mmm? Sam?” Max mumbles out. “We’re at the motel. Go back to sleep.” I say as I re-wrap my arms around him. “Okay…” He says as he cuddles into me. Perfect start to our honeymoon, if I do say so myself. 


	2. Twenty Four Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max hit a lull point during the trip. Max has an idea to pass the time

Grass, grass, grass and more grass! Sam and I are currently in the middle of nowhere. I think we're supposed to be on route to a giant ice cream store thing and the fastest way is via this long stretch of road with nothing to look at. It’s sooooo boring! I tried everything, napping, checking out Sam’s hot bod, listening to music, checking out Sam’s hot bod, fantasizing about violence and chaos, daydreaming about Sam while checking out him out, that thing were you look out the window and make it were your fingers are running really fast on the road, saying increasingly sexual things to Sam, yoga.

 

So as one could imagine I’m starting to get a little antsy. “I’m so bored!” I cry out in frustration. “Tell me about it.” Agrees Sam who looks extremely fed up with looking at a boring straight road, needs more gay if you ask me, maybe some TRANSit? “Sam, please. We need to do something before I jump out of the car for a rush of excitement.” I plead. Sam seems to think for a moment about what we could do, and I swear to god it better not be eye-spy! “How about twenty one questions?” He offers. That could brutally murder some time! “Make it twenty four and you got yourself a deal!” I bargain. “Deal, I’ll go first. What’s your favorite color?” Sam asks. “Sam, we’re married. You should know my favorite color!” I point out. “Whenever I ask you always have a different answer, once I asked twice in the same day and got  _ “red like the blood of my enemies” _ and  _ “pink like pinkeye” !'' _ He defends. Oh, right! “Oh, that’s right. Well, I guess I don’t really have a favorite color, I like them all.” I say with a shrug. “Whatta cop out!” Sam laughs.  “Hey! Well, I guess if I had to choose, I would say I really like brown.” I answer. “Really, brown? Why? Seems like such a dull color for you, Max.” Sam asks. “Well… it’s the color of my favorite person.” I admit.

 

I hear what sounds like a half sob and half laugh. I look over at Sam who seems to be crying a little. “Are you ok?” I ask. Sam wipes his face. “That’s really sweet, Max.” He says. “It’s just the truth. Anyways, it’s my turn now. So, Sam. Where did you hide the body?” I ask in a false tone of seriousness. “In the garden so no one will know what happened to it.” Sam answers. “Wait, what? What are you talking about?” I ask. “My aunts canary, when I was very young I MAY have shoved it into my mouth and it MAY have died of a heart attack on the spot like a frail old woman seeing something mildly scandalous on TV.” He explains. “Wow, I married a cold blooded killer…that is so hot.” I whisper. Sam chuckles. “Okay, my turn. If the freelance police didn’t exist, what job would you want to do?” He asks. Tough one. I think for a moment, I never really thought about it before to be honest. “I have no clue.” I answer. I look at Sam and get a sudden realization. “You would still be there, right?” I ask in a slight panic. “What? Of course I would still be with you.” Sam reassures. Okay, I feel better now. “I guess I would be something like a demolistionist or a crash test dummy.” I answer. “Crash test dummy would pay well!” Sam points out.

“Yeah, my job would pay well but the real question here is will your job pay well. If you couldn’t be part of the freelance police, I mean.” I ask. “Well, when I was younger I was more interested in computers then a starving beast in the whereabouts of its next meal it can viciously tear apart. So I might have ended up being extremely well off if I kept my interest in computers.” Sam answers. “Can I change my answer?” I ask. Sam turns his head and looks at me. “Why, Max?” He asks with a little head tilt. “I wanna be your naughty housekeeper instead!” I answer. “You crack me up, little buddy.” Sam says with a giggle. 

“Sam- I mean, Max. Do you think you would want kids someday?” Sam asks. “Yes.” I answer. I look over at Sam who seems to be a little surprised at my answer. “What’s wrong, Sam?” I ask. “Nothing. I’m just surprised at how serious and quickly you answered.” He explains. “Sam, do YOU want kids someday?” I ask. “Yeah, I do.” He confesses. “Great. Now…” I reach over and start to rub circles on Sams leg. “...We gotta make the baby.” I whisper in a flirtatious tone. “Hate to break it to you, little buddy. But we both lack the parts needed to make one, and trust me, I checked, multiple times.” Sam states with implications. “I don’t know, we could at the very least the it the old college try. And besides, one of us getting pregnant wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen to us.” I point out. “I guess you have a point. How about I try to impregnate you at the next motel?” Sam says like he's offering a choice in restaurants and not offering to try and get me, a known male with non-impregnable parts, pregnant. “Sam, you have such a way with words. You know that?” Sam gets a smile on his face at my words. “We should get back to the game.” He reminds me. “Okay, but it’s your turn.”

“Favorite kind of music?” Sam asks. “Cowpunk.” I answer. “Cowpunk?” Sam asks. “Nope, it's my turn to ask questions. Favorite type of frozen treat?” I ask. “Ah! That’s a toughy. If I had to choose in this moment I would go with soft serve ice cream, but keep in mind it’s close between all frozen treats, I don’t discriminate.” Sam answers. “You also look cute with ice cream smudged all over your mouth.” I chime in. “My move.” Sam points out. “Where did you get that collar you got me?” Sam asks. “Remember the place where we first held hands? That’s where I got it.” I tell. “Really? I thought you sneaked out to a pet shop or something.” “Nope. My question for you is why do you like wearing it?” I ask. I see Sam blush a little. “Makes me feel special.” He confesses. Wow, wasn’t expecting that! “Really?” I ask. “Actually, Max. It’s my turn to ask the question.” Sam points out. “When did you fall in love with me?” Sam asks. “The day I met you.” I answer. “What a sap.” Sam chuckles. “Oh yeah, wise guy? When did you fall for me?” I ask back. “The day we met.” He parrots.

“And I’m the sap?” Sam wraps his right arm around me and brings me closer to him. “Just a couple of saps in love.” He says. I giggle as kissed him on the cheek. “You know I meant when did you realize you had feelings for me right?” Sam asks. “Yeah, I know. I was just being cute. I realized after Chad Gonzalez beat you up that one time, and you?” I ask. “Pretty soon after that. Had a whole sexualiy crisis and everything. Then I ended up sleeping in the same bed as you when the crisis just started.” Sam confesses. “Look at you, getting me in your bed so early on!” I giggle.

“How many more questions?” Asked Sam. “Okay, so I’m going to count that as a question and the answer is seventeen for me and sixteen more for you.” I answer. “So… wanna do a rapid fire round?” Sam asks. I smile at him. “Sam, you just said two of my favorite words in one sentence, those words being rapid and fire.” “Darn it! Your favorite words was my next question for you!” Sam whines. I wiggle my finger at him. “No, Sam. It’s my turn now. What sport do you hate the most?” I ask. “ Korfball.” Sam answers with disgust. “What is the worst childhood experience you remember?” Sam asks. “Not being able to see you every waking moment, also that time when my elderly neighbor thought I was the reincarnation of the devil and tried to burn my house down.” I answer. “Oh I remember that! You had to sleep over at my house for a month before the geezer kicked the bucket, and by that I mean he kicked an actual bucket at a mother who was with her children, which ended up with him being sent somewhere.” Sam reminisces. “Guess that solved the issue of not being able to see you every waking moment.”

“What’s the gayest thing you ever done?” I ask. “You?” Sam answers. “I mean behavior wise! But also thank you for the compliment.” I specify and thank. “Oh, I got a good one! You see, I had a crush on my best friend who's this little guy who’s really chaotic, for YEARS and don’t tell anyone but…” Sam glances around as if someone might hear the juicy details that he is about to divulge. “I still have a massive crush on him to this day.” Sam confesses. “Oh my god! You have a crush on me?!” I say like we didn’t just get married in part four. “I’m going to tell EVERYONE!” I joke. “No! You promised you would not tell anyone!” Sam fake whines. “How embarrassing!” I joke.

“How many siblings do you have again?” Sam inquires. I begin to count my fingers, which ends pretty shortly considering I have eight fingers total. “More than three?” I answer, unsure about how many siblings I actually have. “I would have guessed at least twelve, Max.” Sam states. “True, but also keep in mind they run around a lot, look pretty same-y and have the self preservation skills of a fork wilding toddler near an electrical outlet.” I explain. “So it’s fine if I have no clue how many siblings you have?” Sam asks. “Hell yeah! I don’t even know!” I exclaim.

“Are we there yet?” I ask as my next question for Sam. “Nope, we only killed about… just under an hour.” Sam states. “Why is this stretch of road so long and boring?!” I yell at no one in particular. 

 

“Do you think I should mix up my style?” Sam asks as he looks at his attire. “I think it’s a good look for you. Why?” I ask. “I don’t know, feels like I should mix it up a bit, maybe a different tie?” He thinks out loud. “Maybe you should walk around the office in a speedo. Maybe nothing at all? My vote is something skimpy but that’s just my opinion.” I answer. “I think I’ll get a new tie.” Sam states. “Please make it a sexy tie.” I pled. “How does one make a tie sexy, Max?” Sam asks. “You wear it loose and you have this hungry look in your eyes as you pin me to the nearest hard surface as you take your big-” “I think I got the idea, little buddy.”

“Who is the lady that everyone is referring to when they say “that’s what she said”?” I ask Sam. “Your mom.” Sam answers back. I gasp out loud. “It all makes sense now!” I whisper to myself.

“What is the true meaning of life, little buddy?” Sam asks. “Get laid, get paid, gateraid.” I answer. 

“Where did cotton eyed joe come from and where did he go?” I ask. “Nobody knows except for cotton eyed joe~” Sam sings. 

 

                                                                                                            ------------------------------------------------

**_Several questions later_ **

 

“Okay so we both have one question left so make it count!” I say as I’m on the edge of my seat. “Okay, little buddy. Do you think we should move out of our old place when we get a kid?” Sam asks. I take a moment and think about it. If-well, at this point it’s more like WHEN we have kids we are probably going to have to move into a bigger place, maybe have a yard. “Honestly, yeah. I mean our apartment is pretty small and we don’t have the space for a kid.” I answer. “What kind of place do you imagine us living in?” Sam urges on. “I can see us living in a house. And every friday we would order take out. The fridge would have our kids drawings on it.” I start to lean on Sam. “We would rush around in the morning trying to get them to school on time…” I say softly. “Sam?” “Hmm?” “I have a question for you.” “Lay it on me.” “Would I be a good dad?” I ask. “Of course, little buddy. Despite what people might think you are actually very maternal.” Sam reassures. “But what if I mess up?” I worry. “Then I’ll be there to help you fix it.” Sam states. “Sam.” “Yeah?” “I know you’ll be a great dad.” I feel a kiss on my head. “Thanks, little buddy.”

 

“Oh? Hey, Max. Were only another half hour away!” Sam announces excitedly. I shake my head. Same old Sam. Always excited for ice cream. “Finally! Hey, I think I’m just gonna rest my eyes. Boredom takes a lot out of you, right?” I say as I get comfy. “Sure, but it won’t be much of a nap.” “That's fine.” I answer as I close my eyes. I begin to think about Sam and how he would look great chasing our kids around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Max: I’m bored!  
> Sam: Let’s play a game!  
> Max:*under his breath* I swear to god if it’s eye spy!
> 
> Wow! This was a long chapter! Hope y’all enjoy reading and I’ll catch you guys next time!


	3. Now That’s A Hot Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max unfortunately had to do a quick job during their honeymoon, luckily they got it done quick

 

I’m honestly impressed that part of the building is still standing after all of that and being on- oh, never mind. It just collapsed. “That was a job very well done, Max.” I announce as we walk away from the burning building. “I loved how they screamed as you launched me at their heads, ah~, music to my ears.” Max sighs. “I wonder if the owners of that building have a good insurance plan.” I wonder out loud. “Honestly, in my opinion we did them a favor either way by getting rid of that place, it was so gross. That thing was begging to come down anyways.” Max points out. “True and it looks like nobody has been inside in years anyways. For all we know the place has been abandoned due to lack of civilization nearby that has advanced since the nineteen eighties.” I agree. “You know what would be fun?” Max asks. “What would be a hoot, max?” I ask. “Don’t say “hoot” in that context, have some self respect. We should have a little picnic, watch the fire burn the ol’ place down. It’ll be romantic!” Max insist. I think for a second if that would be a good idea, but then my stomach adds an excellent, well thought out, carefully crafted argument for having a picnic right now.

“Aw! Is someone hungry?” Max asks my belly as he pats it. “I guess I could go for a late lunch.” I answer. “Okay! Stay here! I’ll grab the stuff!” Max says as he scampers. I look back at the fire. Quite the scenery for a four o’ clock lunch. I’m a little annoyed that we got called to work on our honeymoon. Oh well. At least Max had a good time and we get pay quadruple overtime for this, not to mention that it was easy enough to take care of. “I’m back~” Max announces with some food and a blanket. Max places the blanket on the ground and climbs on with all the food in hand. He then places the food in a pile in the middle of the blanket. “Come, sit!” Max pats the blanket. I take him up on the offer and take a seat and gaze at the inferno. “Some bubbly?” Max asks. I turn and see Max holding a bottle of soda with two champagne glasses, I didn’t pack those? Actually, I don’t think we normally even  **own** champagne glasses! “Sure.” I take one of the champagne glasses. “How many more stops do we have on this grand road trip?” Max asks as he pours the soda into the glass. “Not too many. We have a couple more stops and then we’re done and can drive all the way back home.” I answer. 

“It’s real pretty huh, Sam.” Max says in wonder as the flaming building collapses a bit more. “The fire? Yeah, I guess the fire is pretty.” I agree. “I wonder what it tastes like.” I get a hold on Max. “Please don’t lick the burning building, little buddy.” Max leans into my touch. “I was just wonderin’.” He mumbles.  I sigh out a breath. “What am I ever going to do with you?” I ask as I smile. “Hopefully something sexy in front of the fire!” Max exclaims. I reach my hand under max’s chin and lightly scratch. Max seems pleased at the touch. “Maybe later, the smell of building smoke isn’t very good ambiance.” Max crosses his arms at my answer. “Dumb ass building smoke getting in the way of a good time…” He grumbles. 

I pull a sandwich from the food pile and take a bite. This picnic was a great idea. Max reaches over and pulls out a bag of chips to snack on. Max rips the bag open in such a way where some chips spill out and the bag is now missing half of the front part. I shallow my sandwich bite. “This was a great idea, Max.” I praise. “ I know, I’m full of them.” Answers a very proud Max. I decided that it’s for the best not to remind him that he thought it would be a good idea to eat a mug filled with randomly blended ingredients together, on  **_several_ ** different occasions. I’ll let him have this one. 

 

                                                                 //////////////////////////////////////////

**_A little later_ **

 

“Welp that’s everything. Max, you ready to go?” I ask as I shut the trunk of the Desoto. “Just a sec! Gotta take one last picture of this place!” Max says as he grabs me by the jacket. “Max? What-?” I start. “We got to take a least one photo of the two of us here! How else are we gonna show we did things when we're old and wrinkly.” Max explains. “Can’t argue with that” I give in. Max grabs my tie and pulls me down to his height. “Say _ “Max is hot and sexy!”” _ Max says as he takes a picture of us. “Okay. Now we can blow this hot dog stand.” Max says as he puts his phone were he stores all his items. Well, time to get this show back on the road. As I walk back to the car I can't help but think of an excited Max taking a billion photos of our doing everything kids and putting them all over the walls, he seems like the type to do that. The thought feels me with something warm and longing. Maybe one day soon… but for now, we have more sights to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Max: A building fire is the perfect view for a picnic!
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope y’all enjoyed!


	4. Destination Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max wonders what the next stop will be

“I had no clue just how many different kinds of knives exist in this world.” Sam said, still blown away from the new facts he knows about knives now.”See?! I told you a stopping at the international knife exhibit was a good idea!” I exclaimed. “Well, you were right,  they even gave us free knives. Which means that your knife collection just got a little bigger, little buddy.” Sam agreed. “This has been the greatest trip we have ever taken so far!” I exclaim. We have been on the road for nearly a week now. “Do we have anymore stops we planned out, Sam?” I ask. “Just one more stop and we are done, little buddy.” Sam answers. “What is it?” I ask. I don’t remember planning out anything after the knife exhibit. “I’m not telling you~.” Sam said in a smug singsong voice. Well that’s weird and unnecessary. “What? Why won’t you tell me?” I ask. I’m not hurt at him not telling me. Actually, I find it rather alluring to be honest.

“Wait, did you forget about…?” Sam asks like he told me something earlier. “Forget about what?” I ask in a false annoyed tone. “Oh nothing. It just makes the drive that much easier if you don’t remember what I said.” Sam waves off cryptically. Why does Sam have to be so handsome when he’s being mysterious? “Come on! Tell me!” I wine just to hear Sam say something mysterious again. “I guess I can give you a hint.” Sam offers graciously. God, this man is irresistible when in control. “Well?” I urge. “I told you something about where we’re going.” He teases. What a tease! “I already assumed that much! Tell me something else!” I demand. “So demanding and rude. Now you have to wait at least five minutes before you can politely ask me to consider giving you another hint.” Sam fake scolds. Goddamn! Why is him stringing me along so freaking hot! I cross my arms and fake pout. I don’t even care all that much about where we’re going, I just want to feel the rush of having Sam have control over me in this conversation now. I check the clock on my cell phone, it’s been two minutes. Why am I even waiting? I’m an adult for god sake. 

But I decide to play along and wait. I’m going to be so damn polite that Sam will have to reward me with something. I check my phone again. Only another minute has passed. I’m starting to feel restless. I begin to twiddle my thumbs. I steal a glance at Sam, who's driving along like he isn’t causing me to lose control of myself. I swear I’m going to explode if he doesn’t tell me. I decide to check my phone again. It’d been another three minutes which means that I waited an unnecessary extra minute. “Sammy? It’s been more than five minutes. Can I ask again?” I ask in a very quiet voice. “Okay. What do you want to know?” Sam offers. “Can you please tell me what you told me that I forgot, please?” I ask very nicely. “Well… because you asked so nicely, I guess I can tell you out right.” Sam gives in. Finally! Sam waves his hand to tell me to come closer. I move as close to him as I can get. Sam wraps on arm around me and brings me close to his mouth. 

  
I can feel his hot breath on my face, I think I’m going to collapse. “I told you that it was a surprise.” Sam answers. _ “...And then we will end with my surprise for you.” _ Echoes in my head. “Oh, now I remember.” I say absentmindedly. Wait! Does that mean-?! I look at Sam’s face, he has the most smug look I’ve ever seen him have on his face, it’s sexy as hell! “You tricked me!” I accuse rightfully. “No. You asked what  I told you about where we are going, and I told you it was a surprise. I have been nothing but honest, little buddy.” Sam defends.  _ “I’m sure you’ll forget all about the surprise within the first hour, and that’s being generous.” _ I remember Sam teasing me. And he was right! I did forget in like the first hour! “Pull over.” I demand. Sam gives me a confused look. “Why? I didn’t hurt your feelings did I?” Sam asks with concern. “I need you right now!” I answer. “What do you mean? I’m right here?” Sam asks, confused at the demand. “I  **NEED** you right now!” I specify. Sam still seems confused at my demands. A few more seconds past before Sam’s ears jump up when he finally gets my point. “O-oh! Um! There's a motel coming up real quick should I-?” “YES!” I interrupt. Sam turns into the motel parking lot. Sam’s surprise can come later, for now, I have my own plans for Sam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Sam: One last stop!  
> Max: What is it?  
> Sam: I’m not telling!  
> Max: Why do i find this attractive?
> 
> We're reaching the end of this series! Also, it's been one mouth since I first uploaded chapter one of pine is for trees... not lagomorphs!


	5. An explosive surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max finally reach the surprise that Sam has for Max

“Why in the heck do I have to wear this blindfold?” Asks Max as he tugs on said blindfold. “I just don’t want you guessing what it could be by the surroundings.” I explain. “What could clue me in?” Max asks. “Max, we are nearly there. You can make like a jockey and hold onto your horses.” I shut down. “Fine. Don’t blame me if I fall asleep.” “Max, you and I both know that you have an extremely hard time sleeping when your excited. I spent enough holidays with you to know that for a darn fact.” I point out. “Okay first off, rude. Second…” I stop paying attention to what Max is saying because we have come up to the surprise. The surprise is that I convinced a demolition company to let Max and I blow this old casino up with their equipment, we are also aloud to break down walls, set things on fire and etcetera. The company also removed any asbestos so there's no worries about that. Max is aloud to absolutely go insane on this building like a mentally unstable holiday shopper on black Friday.

“...And while I do love it when you beg for more, I also like when you feel like taking control.” Max continues. What is he going on about? “Where here, little buddy.” I interrupted. Max stop talking about whatever he was going on about and went to reach for his blindfold. “At long last the anticipation is over!” Max cheered as he threw the blindfold off. Max takes in the sight of the building and turns to me. “So what is it?” Max asks, still excited. “It’s your surprise!” I half explain. Max rolls his eyes at me. “Yeah, I guessed that. I mean what does the building have to do with it?” Max urges me to explain in more detail.”You see, Max, this casino here is set to be demolished, so was able to convince the demo team to let us break stuff and press the button to blow up the building.” I explain. Max is now giving me a blank look. “Max? Are you-?” Max interrupts me with a kiss. “I’m gonna marry you all over again!” Max exclaimed as he broke the kiss. “Glad you like it.” I say as Max jumps out of the car. I get out of the car and follow Max to the casino.

“What should I do first?” Max asks as we walk through the front entrance. “We can start small fires, break the walls down, break windows, the skies the limit, little buddy.” I list off. “Did I mention that I’m going to marry you all over again? Because I am.” Max says as he chucks a rock at a nearby window, shattering it to pieces. “Nice shot.” I say as I stroll over to a moldy receptionist table. “And…” I say as I reach over. “I ask them to put some tools back here for us to use.” I say as I pull up a sports bag. “What kind of tools, Sam?” Max asks with clear excitement and whimsy in his voice. “Well we have a baseball bat…” I say as I begin pulling things out of the sports bag of wonders. “A crowbar, firecrackers, a dusty sledge hammer, cheap beer, spray cans and of course a bag of throwing rocks.” I list off as I pull each item out of the bag. “I’m gonna cause so much destruction that tornadoes are gonna feel ashamed!” Max giggles out. “And don’t forget that we end this off with blowing up the building!” I remind him. “Did I remember to tell you that I love you?” Max asks as he picks up a baseball bat. 

**CRASH! BAM! DING!** Max is currently swinging a baseball bat around the cigarette smelling lobby. “This is the fourth best day of my life!” Max said with glee as he continued his rampage. “What are one through three?” I ask as I hurl rocks at some windows. “Our wedding is currently at spot number three!” Max said as drops the bat and picks up the crowbar and begins to uproot the tile on the ground. “The day you found out I liked you is second!” He continues as he takes a floor tile, raise it above his head and smashes it on the ground. “And the first?” I ask as I put the throwing rocks down and reach for the sledge hammer. “The day I met you takes the cake as the best day of my life by a huge margin! If that day never happened all the other best days would, by proxy, never exist!” Max said as he takes a spray can and writes  _ “Max waz here!” _ one the wall. “That really sweet of you to say, little buddy.” I say as I swung the sledge hammer into a nearby table, cracking it in two. “Looking cool, Sam!” Max compliments as he takes out the fire crackers and starts to throw them around the room haphazardly. “You know, Max. We still have more hotel to destroy then just this lobby!” Max stops what he's doing and gets a wicked smile on his face. “Lead the way, Sammy boy!”

 

                                                                             /////////////////////////////////////////////////

**_Several acts of destruction and hours later…_ **

 

“And now, the grand finale.” I announce as we approach shelter for coming the explosion. We head inside and there is a single red button that I know Max is just dying to push. “Care to do the honors, little buddy?” I offer. “It would be my pleasure!” Max accepts as he raises his hand high. Max then slams his hand down on the button. There's a flash of light from around the casino, a rumble and then the casino drops into dust in a brutal display of man's ever growing capacity for distraction. “It’s a good thing we moved the car before we did this.” I say aloud. “Isn’t it romantic?” Max says as he leans on me. “In a bizarre way, yes.” We stay like this just watching the dust settles from the explosion that just took place. “Wanna head home?” Max asks. “Sure, we have about a week's worth of driving to do to get back home.” I say as I scoop my husband into my arms. “Sybil's gonna want to hear all about this!” Max says as he pulls out his phone. “Tell her I said hi!” “Sam says hi.” Max slowly says as he types out his message to Sybil. I had fun on this trip. But I’m ready to head home now. And who knows, maybe one day soon start a family with Max!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Sam and Max: *In love AF*
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Okay so… I’m just really thankful that everyone here has made my first month of writing to be such a positive experience, Thank you so much!  
> Actually… I have a lot of people I would like to thank, so here we go!
> 
>  
> 
> A Special Thank You To:  
> Stardust(the first commenter I ever had!)  
> Great_Scott(the first ever named kudos I ever had!)  
> CREAM CHEESE IS AMAZING  
> 2ilver8ox  
> SliverFliesInBlueSugar(Thanks for the formating Tip!)  
> RichW  
> Eating_flowers  
> Samurott1999  
> Wehaventhadthatspiritheresince1969  
> Meowchela  
> Noëlle McHenry (Quasi_Detective)  
> Babbybun  
> Name  
> Angel_teeth  
> Joe2death  
> Unipocalypse  
> DelWrites  
> The groke  
> Elizabeth Loria  
> Kit  
> Griffin-Yeeteeteet  
> RacheTanz  
> Boodleroobles
> 
> And of course, all the guest that left a kudos!  
> Thank you once again for making this a positive experience! I appreciate all the comments and kudos!  
> See you guys in the next series!

**Author's Note:**

> TL;DR  
> Sam: I have a surprise plan for you  
> Max: Tell me  
> Sam: Okay...  
> Max: Really?  
> Sam: I’ll tell you when we get there  
> Max: >:/  
> Welcome to the final part to this series! I hope all of you will have a good time reading!  
> (Also Thank You to Elizabeth Loria for inspiring this part of the story!)


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